


Sunset

by orphan_account



Category: Football RPF
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, M/M, One Shot, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 16:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12774804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Missing someone and wanting them back are two completely different things. Jamie thinks he feels both.





	Sunset

**Author's Note:**

> Gary comes back from Spain but some mistakes are hard to forgive. Short and quite rough around the edges. Might get edited later but definitely only a one shot. I wrote this quickly and it shows.

Jamie's hands are sweating. It's fucking stupid really because it's not even close to being the first time he's done this, even if it is the first time in a while. He's sat waiting for Gary at the table in the studio. He's got his notes on the games but it's hard to focus on them. Since the news came through from Spain he'd known it might happen, veering wildly between desperately hoping he'd come back to the show and hoping not to have to see him again. In the end it hadn't been a surprise to hear sky's decision on the matter. Gary was good at this. Gary and Jamie together were good at this. Jamie couldn't deny that if he was being honest. It doesn't make him feel anymore comfortable though. 

 

It's not that he doesn't like Gary. Before he'd left to Valencia Jamie had been getting more used to the idea that actually he liked Gary quite a bit. Enough that when Gary had left, Jamie had admitted that he might miss him slightly. Gary had mocked him but had eventually reciprocated and Jamie had let the smallest flicker of hope ignite inside him. Starting a slow burn of warmth that sustained him through the time apart and communication solely via twitter and texted links of articles he thought that Gary might like. It had been that hope that had made him decide to visit Gary for probably the worst match of his managerial career. 

 

Gary is finally ready. Maybe before Jamie would have made a joke about him needing the extra time in make up but although he's determined to keep up their trademark banter, as the MNF team call it, on the show and on twitter, it's too much for him to manage it without the cameras rolling. Instead he just nods along to the instructions he's given and makes sure that his tie is on straight and tries not to stare to much at the way that Gary smiles and chuckles at David who's already chatting away to him like they've been working together for years. Jamie is definitely not jealous at all. 

 

The show goes well. The two of them manage to joke around well enough and the football analysis is about as good as it's ever been. Jamie gets in some jabs about Valencia and there's only the slightest flutter of guilt because the sadness that clouds Gary's eyes is quickly replaced by his bashful but not really fussed look that he adopts when he's being teased. All in all it goes better than Jamie might have expected but that doesn't prevent the feeling of relief that he gets when the taping is finally over. He can go back to the flat he stays in in London and text stevie before going to bed early. That constitutes a good night nowadays.

 

His plan is derailed somewhat when Gary accosts him as he's leaving. 

"So that went well yeah?"

He sounds almost shy and Jamie's annoyed by how appealing that is. By how much he wants Gary to care about impressing him. 

"Yeah it wasn't too bad."

He's deliberately not giving much away. Not out of spite or anger but because he still doesn't know how he's supposed to act. 

"I thought we could maybe go get a pint?"

 

Obviously Jamie agrees. He'd never have been able to do anything else. It's the same impulse that made him say yes to carrick's testimonial and that sent him on that trip to see Valencia get thrashed Barcelona. Essentially he's frustratingly weak when it comes to his rival turned colleague. He doesn't like saying no to an opportunity to spend time with Gary. They've been friends now so maybe it's not that strange although Gary's made it fairly clear that he doesn't feel quite the same way about Jamie's company. Gary likes him but not that much and not in that way and that's the end of it. It probably shouldn't hurt as much as it does. 

 

That night in Spain had changed everything. Jamie had officially travelled out to meet Suarez but really he'd been there for Gary. He was pretty sure almost everyone knew that. Gary had been virtually distraught after the game, not even phil had been able to comfort him and so Jamie had been determined to make a difference. He'd called them a cab from the stadium and taken Gary back to his hotel room. He hadn't even had any impure intentions, he'd just wanted to get Gary away from everyone. They'd remained silent throughout the drive and Jamie was grateful to the driver for not looking back too often. They needed the privacy. 

 

Once they'd made it up to the room Jamie had got some beers out of the fridge and handed one to Gary. His only response had been a small nod in Jamie's direction. 

"It'll pass mate." 

It was a totally meaningless statement but it was the best jamie could manage as Gary sat down on the edge of the bed. His eyes had been drawn to the way that Gary's mouth had looked around the top of the bottle. 

"Are you just going to stand there and stare at me all night carragher?"

 

It had been almost aggressive but there was something else in his voice. That something else was what made Jamie sit close enough to him that the fabric of their shirts met with a soft rustling sound. He remembers feeling Gary's warmth through their clothes and how it made everything feel fuzzy. He finds it pretty hard to blame himself for his actions after that. He'd just wanted this man who he cared about so much more than he should to feel good and he'd wanted to be the person making him feel that way. So when he'd leant in and kissed Gary it had been a completely reasonable thing to do. 

 

It's cold in England at night so they take Gary's car. It's not far to the pub they usually go to and they know it well enough that jamie can go to their usual seats while Gary picks up their pints. It's quiet so he's at the table with the drinks quickly. 

"Thanks pal."

Gary smiles and it's pleasingly genuine. 

"No need to thank me, you're getting the next round anyway."

It's quiet for a minute as they drink and jamie searches for something appropriate to say. Before he gets a chance to decide on anything Gary jumps in. 

"I'm sorry."

 

That kiss had led to several more kisses, each of them more intense and overwhelming than the last. Gary's mouth was soft and hot and slow against Jamie's and his hands moved to grip Jamie's arms. 

"Put your fucking beer down."

It had been said almost affectionately and that had spurred Jamie on more than anything. Gary had let himself be pushed back onto the mattress and it had been so satisfying to see him like that, his skin flushed and his mouth open. Jamie had imagined how it might feel but he hadn't managed to envision the exact way that Gary's chest would rise and fall so quickly or the precise curve of his lips. 

 

They'd only had the energy to sloppily, breathlessly get each other off with their hands. The feeling of Gary's slim fingers wrapped around him had been more than enough for jamie and he'd lost control quickly, his kisses turning into desperate, open-mouthed collisions with any part of Gary he could reach. It had been so good that it had taken him a moment to remember that he could do the same thing for Gary and he'd taken as much pleasure in it as possible. The noises he'd made as jamie had stroked him had been incredible and he hadn't even really been thinking about getting Gary off so much as encouraging more noises like that and more of the wild look in Gary's eyes. They'd fallen asleep with soft promises to talk about it in the morning and it had seemed close to perfect. 

 

"For what?"

It's not really a question so much as a makeshift cattle prod to push Gary in the right direction. 

"After the Barcelona game."

Jamie's tempted to play it cool but really he's always burned red hot when it comes to Gary. In anger as much as in lust. He's hurt still and there's not really any way for him to deny it so he just lets it out, leaving thoughts about consequences for later.

"You're sorry that we kissed? That a man got you off? That I got you off?"

 

There had been hints before that night that maybe him and Gary were similar in that sense. They were both single and sometimes Gary said things that made him hesitate. There had been moments between them that had been softer and sweeter than the demonstrations of affection that they shared with other people. Gary had always seemed fine with that, comfortable with pressing against the boundaries of their growing friendship, stretching the fabric of it wider. He hadn't shown any sign of being afraid or disgusted with jamie or with himself until that morning. When jamie had woken up completely alone.

 

"That's not what I meant."

Gary looks almost pained and jamie wants to take pity on him but he also wants to make him hurt a bit. He wants Gary to feel the way he felt when he'd woken up and Gary had run off. When Gary hadn't replied to his texts or to his calls. That spike of fear turned to anger that melted into a constant ache of just being sad. 

"Well you can't blame me for assuming you hated someone for it with the way you acted. Haven't been able to work out whether it was me or you yet though." 

The lines on his forehead get deeper and it's the same look he gets on MNF when Jamie won't let him get through a point about United. 

 

Jamie could have forgiven the leaving before he woke up. It must have been overwhelming, the awfulness of that game followed by ending up in bed with a guy you'd hated for most of the time you'd known him. What he'd been unable to cope with was what came after. He could have told Jamie he didn't want him and that it was a one off and it would have been fucking awful but at least it wouldn't have been as bad as being ignored was. It wouldn't have felt the way that having to call phil just to make sure Gary was alive did. How phil had tried to ask what had happened and Jamie hadn't had a thing to say. 

 

"I was scared. I know that's not an excuse but I was scared."

Gary's staring down at the polished wood of the table between them. He looks decidedly vulnerable and it's unfair when it makes Jamie feel bad somehow.

"So was I. "

Gary nods and swallows. It's as if after all the years of arguing with each other has used up all of the words they had to share with each other because suddenly it feels like there's nothing at all that either of them can say. A significant part of Jamie wishes they'd spent less of those words on stupid stuff and had more left for the things that mattered. He finishes his drink. 

"I'm going home, it's late."

 

He's realised how ridiculous that is the moment he gets out of the pub. Gary drove him here so he's going to have to either walk back to the studios in the dark and the cold or pay for a cab for what'll only be a two minute journey which he doesn't want to do on principal. He decides that at least there's less chance of being mugged if he gets a cab and he's about to call one when he hears someone walking up behind him. He's barely relieved that it's Gary and not someone looking to attack him when his arm is grabbed and he's spun around to face him. 

"I fucked up."

 

It's an interesting start which is why jamie stays where he is and stops typing the number into his phone. Gary seems emboldened by that because his chest puffs up a bit and he manages to meet Jamie's eyes. His crow's feet have got worse but Jamie's still hooked regardless. 

"I know I was wrong to leave, I knew that straightaway. I get it if you can't forgive me but I just need you to know that I didn't do it because I didn't want you. I did it because I wanted you so much it made me feel insane." 

Jamie decides this is one of those rare moments where it might be better to let Gary talk than to jump in with an interruption. 

 

"I liked you for ages and then that finally happened and I just wasn't ready. I thought I would fuck it up, I always fuck these things up. I know that this is an even bigger fuck up but I thought that it would hurt both of us less which was utterly stupid and cowardly and."

He runs out of steam which is unsurprising when jamie is fairly sure he's never talked about emotions for that long before. 

"I know this makes no difference to anything but I just needed you to know that I. That I care carra. I won't blame you for never speaking to me again, I couldn't, but I wanted you to know how I feel."

 

There's a long silence. It's Jamie's to fill but Gary's the one who breaks it in the end. 

"I can give you a lift back to the studio if you like. Or to your flat."

It's polite and businesslike and nothing like any way Gary has ever spoken to him and Jamie hates it. He wants anything other than that. 

"Yeah a lift to my flat would be great." 

Gary nods and starts walking to the car but jamie stops him. 

"You can give me a lift back to my flat and then I'll need to get my car tomorrow so you can take me to pick it up."

There's a pause before Gary nods again, his hair shifting over his forehead in that way Jamie likes. 

"Yeah course, whatever you need."

Jamie files away that promise for a time when he can get the most out of it and starts walking to Gary's car. 

 

"I reckon I'll need some lunch tomorrow as well."

Gary glances up at him, his surprise obvious. 

"We could go to that place you like that does good pasta." 

His voice is tentative. Whatever Jamie's doing is obviously a mystery to him. 

"Yep and you can pay for it."

Gary watches him as they reach the car, a focused expression across his narrow features. 

"You're not going to just stand me up are you? I deserve it if you are but if that's the plan I'll take you to get your car now so you don't need to pay for a cab tomorrow." 

 

"I'm not forgiving you mate, this isn't us walking off into the sunset. It's just me giving you a chance to redeem yourself."

Gary smiles at that. It's maybe more subtle than the smiles jamie got used to receiving from him but it's still pretty nice. It still makes something in his chest feel settled. Gary likes him. It's not enough to erase everything that happened but it's enough for it to be worth trying to get past it. 

"Of course we're not walking off into the sunset, it's already nighttime and we're in a car."

His tone is the same one he uses when he's mocking Jamie's defending and it feels much better than it should. 

"Yeah yeah, now what you said about Liverpool before. Absolutely ridiculous that was. Didn't want to embarrass you on the show but you had no clue what you were talking about."


End file.
